ck The ninety-nine ways
Ninety-nine invitations. No jargon, no framework, no test at the end. Here they all are — the full versions live in the book.
Mindset & Self-Awareness
1 Notice the story you've already written about someone — before they've said a word.
2 Get curious about your first reaction. Where did it come from — and is it yours, or something you inherited?
3 Seek out the voice that makes you slightly uncomfortable — that's usually where the learning is.
4 Assume you've got blind spots. We all have. The brave bit is going looking for yours.
5 When a snap judgement shows up, give it a second look before you act on it.
6 Treat difference as something to be curious about, not something to manage.
7 Stay curious a little longer than feels comfortable. Ask — don't assume.
8 Stay a learner. None of us has 'arrived' — and honestly, that's the good news.
9 Ask the people around you, 'What's it like to be on the other side of me?' — then just listen.
10 Give yourself, and everyone else, permission to be a work in progress.
11 When you get it wrong — and you will — treat it as data, not a verdict.
12 Stay a little hungry to understand lives that aren't your own.
13 Say yes to the session you think you don't need. It's often the one that lands.
14 Before you pass it on, ask yourself: is it kind, is it true, is it mine to share?
15 Hold your 'normal' lightly — it's only one of many.
16 Let the small, unwatched moments be where you're most inclusive — that's where it really counts.
Listening & Communication
17 Listen to understand, not to reply. Notice when you're just waiting for your turn.
18 Your face and posture speak before you do — let them say 'you're welcome here.'
19 Choose words that make room for people, rather than quietly shut them out.
20 Offer feedback as a gift, not a verdict — what you saw, and what might help.
21 Name the behaviour, not the person — 'that landed badly,' not 'you're the problem.'
22 You can disagree and still leave the door open. Argue the idea, not the human.
23 Open up — uncross, turn towards people, make space at the table, literally.
24 There's a person on the other side of the screen. Type like it.
25 Laugh with people, never at them. If someone has to be the butt, it isn't the joke.
26 When you tell the story, ask whose story is missing from it.
27 Look at your slides and your site — can everyone see someone like them?
28 Ask how people best take things in, then meet them there — captions, plain words, the right format.
29 English might be someone's third language doing heavy lifting — slow down, check in.
30 In conflict, aim for the next step you can both live with, not the winning blow.
31 Build the online room like a good physical one — easy for everyone to enter.
32 When words get stuck, find another bridge — patience, pictures, a little more time.
Empathy & Respect
33 You don't have to agree to say, 'I hear you — and that's real for you.'
34 Before you reach to fix it, sit for a moment with how it might feel from where they stand.
35 Try the question, 'What might I be missing from where they sit?'
36 Treat a custom you don't know as something to learn, not something that's wrong.
37 Stay a curious guest in lives unlike your own.
38 Never underestimate a small kindness — it often lands bigger than you'll ever know.
39 Letting people see the real, unfinished you gives them permission to be real too.
40 A name is the first gift we give each other. Take the moment to get it right.
41 Meet the person in front of you, not the group you've filed them under.
42 Notice where someone's edges are — and don't tread on them just because you can.
43 Swap stories across difference — you'll both come away a little bigger.
Allyship & Action
44 Use your voice in the rooms others can't get into yet.
45 Allyship isn't a badge you earn once — it's a practice you keep showing up for.
46 Be the example in the small moments — people copy what they see, not what you say.
47 If everyone in your circle looks and thinks like you, gently widen it.
48 When something isn't okay, your silence is louder than you think.
49 Ask who keeps getting the short straw — then help even it up.
50 Spend your advantage on someone who hasn't got it — that's what it's for.
51 Ask not just 'are they in the room?' but 'do they get a real say?'
52 Letting it slide co-signs it. A quiet word is still a word.
53 Show up for the work outside your job description, too.
54 When good things land in your lap, ask who else could use a turn.
55 Make your address book look like the world, not just your reflection.
56 Notice the small cuts — and don't let 'it was only a joke' be the last word.
57 Help build learning where everyone can find a way in.
58 Make the fun stuff welcoming too — not everyone feels safe at the social.
59 Notice who a space is built for — and who it quietly leaves out.
60 Push on the rules, not just the room — that's where change sticks.
Leadership & Workplace
61 Before you decide, ask, 'Whose voice is shaping this — and whose is missing?'
62 A meeting works when the quietest person leaves feeling heard.
63 If your shortlist all sounds like you, that's a clue, not a coincidence.
64 Build the kind of place you'd want on your worst day, not just your best.
65 Make sure the credit lands where the work did — including the quiet contributors.
66 People do their best work when they're not bracing for impact. Make it safe to be human.
67 Back the changes that outlast the good intentions.
68 Hire for the gap in the room, not the comfort of the familiar.
69 Reach back and hold the door for someone coming up behind you.
70 Plan it so no one has to ask, 'Will I be able to take part?'
71 Pay people for the work — not for how well they negotiate.
72 Build teams that argue well because they genuinely see the world differently.
73 Keep inclusion a normal conversation, not a once-a-year campaign.
74 Trust people to do good work in the shape their life actually is.
75 Ask whether your benefits fit everyone's life, or just the default one.
76 Make it as ordinary to say 'I'm struggling' as 'I'm nipping out for a coffee.'
77 Look at how you show up to the world — who sees themselves in it, and who doesn't?
78 Draw out the person who hasn't spoken — the best idea is often the unsaid one.
79 Design the space so everyone can use it without having to ask.
80 Invite the dissent before the decision, not after it goes wrong.
81 Open the door to the hard conversations — then make it safe to walk through.
82 Fish in more ponds — talent isn't only where you usually look.
83 Lead as if people have whole lives, not just job titles.
84 Protect people's edges — burnt-out people can't belong, or perform.
85 Lead as if everyone's carrying something you can't see — because they are.
Identity & Difference
86 Make room to celebrate the whole of who people are, not just tolerate it.
87 Make space for what's sacred to someone, even when it isn't to you.
88 Notice whose land, whose history, whose story came first — and honour it.
89 When someone's made smaller for who they love or who they are, don't look away.
90 Remember no one is just one thing — we all carry many stories at once.
91 Ask whether everyone can use the basics here without a second thought.
92 Let 'family' mean whatever it means to the person in front of you.
93 Build the day so disability isn't an afterthought bolted on at the end.
94 Notice the quiet assumptions about 'too young' or 'past it' — and question them.
95 Ask what someone needs to take part fully — then sort it, without the fuss.
96 Every generation knows something the others don't. Trade, don't dismiss.
97 Let people be who they are, not who the box on the form expected.
98 Let every body be welcome here — no one should have to shrink to belong.
99 Make room for the realities of caring, in all its shapes.